


Enchanted Omens

by doomed_spectacles



Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Aziraphale Loves Crowley (Good Omens), Bedtime Stories, Crowley to the Rescue (Good Omens), Dialogue Heavy, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, Fluff and Humor, Humor, Ineffable Husbands (Good Omens), Ineffable Idiots (Good Omens), M/M, Post-Canon, Romantic Fluff, Silly, So Married
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-23
Updated: 2019-11-23
Packaged: 2021-02-26 03:49:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21527008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doomed_spectacles/pseuds/doomed_spectacles
Summary: Crowley tells Aziraphale a bedtime story. It, rather predictably, goes way off the rails.Or,Crowley tells a story in which a dashing hero saves the world with the help of a handsome Prince. Along the way, the Prince turns into a dragon when anyone tries to borrow anything from his castle, the hero's faithful steed is lost, an evil salamander is defeated with a magical potion we forgot to foreshadow, and the kingdom is saved.
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 26
Kudos: 127





	Enchanted Omens

**Author's Note:**

> This is quite silly. Started as a prompt for Ineffable Inktober ("enchanted") and just kept going. Please imagine David Tennant's voice as Crowley, since it really only fits his voice and not the book or radio Crowleys.
> 
> UPDATE! Now with a dramatic reading!
> 
> Watch the _fabulous_ Aziraphale and Crowley (Bethany and Rachael, organizers of The Ineffable Con) stage a dramatic reading of this story [HERE](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BGaNxBgrw7U). They are absolutely adorable! <3

Crowley has one leg and one arm flung across Aziraphale's body. His nose is buried in the angel's chest. His eyes are closed but he's not quite asleep. Aziraphale strokes his hair lightly with one hand, and props up a large book with the other. If his arms were human arms, they'd have been numb long ago. Crowley stirs. He rubs his cheek against Aziraphale's striped nightshirt. He won't admit to having drooled a little, but Aziraphale notices it and smiles down at him.

"Bet I could tell you a bedtime story better than whatever that is," Crowley says, sleepy.

"Oh, really now?" Aziraphale doesn't move his book. "Better than Aesop's Fables?"

Crowley snorts. "Way better." He puts his chin on Aziraphale's chest and looks up at him with mischief in his yellow eyes. He adds a waggle of his eyebrows for dramatic effect.

Aziraphale sets the book down on his nightstand and brings the other arm around Crowley's shoulder. He knows Crowley can't resist a challenge. He also knows he can't resist watching Crowley try to cheat at said challenge. "Alright then," he says. "Tell me a better bedtime story than Aesop's Fables."

Crowley grins the grin of a man with a huge imagination, reckless confidence, and no common sense. His is the clueless face of a demon about to tell a story to the only being in existence to have proof-read Chaucer, gossiped with Austen, flirted with Byron, and on one regrettable occasion, lost a drinking contest with Hemingway.

He flips over and settles his head on the pillows Aziraphale had chosen to match their dressing gowns. One a deep scarlet red, one white with a small blue pattern. He takes Aziraphale's hand and begins:

"A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away..."

"Crowley! Even _I_ know that one!"

"You do, eh? Well it's good. Nothing says great storytellers can't take from other great storytellers."

"And you are counting yourself among the great storytellers? Such confidence."

"Hey, you wanted the best bedtime story, and I aim to satisfy. So shush." Aziraphale purses his lips, but lets Crowley continue.

"Fine. Not so long ago, in a village approximately 75 kilometers from London, an enchanted baby is born. Well, _delivered_ , a baby is delivered. Handed over, I mean."

"Crowley..."

"Shush! It's a good story. Happy ending, you'll love it. This baby was delivered by our handsome, daring, dashing hero. The hero-est of all heroes. And sexy too. He received the baby from an evil, uh, stork and his accomplice, a disgusting salamander. Storks can be right devils, you know. Pyromaniacs, in fact."

"Mmmhmmm."

"So this hero, this devilishly attractive hero. He has perfectly styled red hair and uh ..."

"Serpentine hips?" Aziraphale suggests with an innocent smile.

Crowley stares at him for a moment, then shrugs. "I'll take it. Our hero with the serpentine hips. He rode, with the baby, on his faithful steed. His steed was the stuff of legends, this steed, the best and most powerful in the land." Crowley's voice is fond and faraway as he re-imagines his beloved method of transportation. "He named her Bentley 3.5 Litre and she was the finest, uh ... let's say horse, born, in 1933 in the stables of Royce."

"Crowley."

"Okay, okay. Our hero rode his faithful steed, a perfectly normal palfrey which was nicknamed Bentley. Happy?" 

Aziraphale rolls his eyes. Crowley couldn't see with his head lying on the angel's chest, but after 6,000 years he could tell when Aziraphale rolled his eyes whether he could see him or not. He continues.

"He took the baby to a castle, where it's to be sent to live with its parents, but there's a mix-up. The incompetent chattering fairies at the castle give the enchanted baby to the wrong parents. Our hero doesn't find this out until later, but it's important to establish that it was _not_ the hero's fault."

"Mmmm," Aziraphale murmurs, not exactly in agreement.

"After that, our hero goes to see the Prince."

"The Prince?"

"Yeah, the Prince. Very beautiful, this prince. He's from, uh, the kingdom next door to our hero."

"The Prince is from the kingdom next door?" Aziraphale says, skeptical.

"Yep, very beautiful, very stubborn prince. He has fair hair - impossibly fluffy white hair. And he lives in a tower filled with books. Smart, very clever, the Prince."

"He sounds very nice, this prince."

"Well, whenever anyone tries to borrow something from his tower, he turns into a dragon to scare them away. And he interrupts people when they're telling stories."

"Go on, then."

Crowley clears his throat. "So the Prince and our hero decide to make a plan. They'll find the baby and they'll use their special skills to counteract the baby's enchantment. Enchantment-ness. They'll counteract the thing that makes the baby bad, is what I'm saying."

"Their special skills?"

"Yeah, don't think too hard about that part. In fact, maybe let's skip ahead."

Aziraphale shifts, moving down the bed so he can face Crowley. "That's not fair, Crowley. Why skip ahead?"

"Because the next part is boring," Crowley says. He looks away. "It's the second-happiest part of the story. Nothing happens, and our hero doesn't have to be heroic or daring or courageous. He's just ... him. Her, I guess. And the Prince is the Prince, but with terrible teeth. And they see each other all the time and they're happy, even though their plan doesn't work."

Despite himself, Aziraphale smiles. "Alright, skip ahead, then," he says.

Crowley flips back over dramatically and gestures at the ceiling. "Then! The baby grows up into a not-baby. Adolescent! But he's an enchanted adolescent, which is even more obnoxious than a normal adolescent. The evil swan and disgusting salamander's forces have word that the enchanted adolescent will bring about the end of all the kingdoms. Our hero is rightfully concerned."

"Rightfully, indeed," Azirapahale says, playing along.

"But! As it turns out, our ever-intelligent hero and his faithful sidekick the Prince made a mistake!"

"Faithful sidekick?" Aziraphale complains. "Whatever happened to very beautiful, very intelligent Prince who turns into a dragon?"

Crowley makes apologetic noises that aren't exactly words, and acquiesces when Aziraphale smacks him lightly on the chest. "Okay, okay. Our hero and his oh-so-charming Prince revisit the castle to investigate but they don't find the fairies that had lived there. On their way back, a sorceress runs into them with her ..." Crowley pauses, thinking. He waves the hand not holding Aziraphale's in the air vaguely. "Her magical chariot."

"If it was a magical chariot why did it allow the hero to hit it with his-"

"I said it was a _magic_ chariot, not a _smart_ chariot. Anyway, the sorceress leaves behind a book with clues about this special baby and the Prince finds it. But the Prince, see, he doesn't trust our hero."

"Crowley-"

"The Prince goes back to his tower and doesn't tell our hero about the clues. Even though our hero has been nothing but honest with the Prince for 6,000 years."

"Crowley, I-"

"Hey, s'my story, I get to tell it." Aziraphale's arms tighten around him but he stops protesting. Crowley puts his other hand on top of Aziraphale's and laces their fingers. "The Prince and our hero get into an argument. The hero has a moment of weakness."

"Oh dear," Aziraphale says, sounding quite concerned.

"I know, but it happens to all heroes, even the bravest ones. Our hero, he wanted to run away with the Prince because he didn't know what else to do. He couldn't stop the-"

"Enchanted adolescent-"

"Right- enchanted adolescent. He couldn't stop it and even if he couldn't live in the kingdom anymore, he thought maybe it'd be okay if he was with the Prince. But the Prince wouldn't go. He wouldn't leave his tower."

"Crowley..."

"Almost done, I promise. The Prince was right about one thing."

"Oh?"

"He was right that the hero shouldn't have tried to run away. The hero should stay and fight for the kingdom, even if it meant he died."

"Crowley, that's not-"

"No interrupting! This is where the action starts. Our hero has to valiantly defend himself from attacks from the evil stork and the disgusting salamander." Crowley's voice gets faster as he describes the action. "He's able to slay the salamander with the magic potion given to him years earlier by the Prince! Bet you didn't see that coming because I forgot to foreshadow it! But! He only manages to delay the stork. He races across the kingdom to find the Prince, but the Prince's tower is on fire!" 

Crowley makes a whooshing sound, which is supposed to indicate fire but sounds more like a flushing toilet. Aziraphale looks concerned. "Our brave hero rushes inside the tower, desperate to save the Prince. But he can't find him anywhere. The Prince is gone."

"But the bookshop- the tower, I mean- you went inside?"

Crowley nods, eyebrows up. "I thought you knew that. I got the book."

Aziraphale's forehead creases with retroactive worry. "I suppose, but- I didn't know you went in for me. I thought you just found the book ..."

"I went in for you, angel. And you're killing my bedtime story," Crowley says. "All has been lost for our hero. He doesn't know how to stop the enchanted baby-"

"Adolescent."

"Right, adolescent. His best friend is dead. All hope is lost." Aziraphale squirms and Crowley strokes his hand. "But it's actually not! The Prince is alive!"

"Thank Heavens."

"Thank somebody, anyway. The Prince tells our hero to get to the American airbase- uh, the ..." Crowley pauses, stumped. Aziraphale looks up a the ceiling, thinking.

"The garrison of Lord America?"

Crowley shrugs. "Right. The garrison of Lord America. Our hero _literally_ drives his steed through a ring of fire to make it there in time to meet the Prince and save the kingdom. Unfortunately for the hero, his faithful steed didn't make it." Crowley frowns as he makes himself sad thinking of his Bentley as a dead horse.

Aziraphale clears his throat. "If I recall, the hero and the Prince didn't actually save the kingdom, the enchanted adolescent did."

Crowley makes a disagreeing noise. "Ehhhhh, not really? But the hero helped." He looks down at Aziraphale and smiles. "And the Prince helped by cajoling the hero into helping."

Aziraphale makes a face. "Cajoling? Really?"

Crowley makes a face right back. "Excuse me, ' _Come up with something or I'll never talk to you again'_ \- I'd call that cajoling. Or emotional blackmail."

"Nonsense. It was simply last-minute ... encouragement."

Crowley rolls his eyes harder than strictly healthy for his human body. "Whatever. The Prince and the hero assist in saving the world." Crowley nods, satisfied. He grins at Aziraphale, satisfied at a story well told. "The end."

"The end?"

"Yeah, the end. Isn't it the end when the world is saved by the devastatingly handsome and brilliant hero with _encouragement_ from his Prince?"

"On the contrary, I think the hero's story is only just beginning."

"Oh?"

"Mmm. And besides, the Prince has some things to tell the hero."

"Such as?"

"Things that aren't suitable until after the lights are out."

Crowley snaps his fingers and suddenly the room is pitch black. In between increasingly urgent kisses, he says, mostly to himself, "Happily ever after."

**Author's Note:**

> [this is me on Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/doomed-spectacles) if you want to say hi :)

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[video podfic] Enchanted Omens](https://archiveofourown.org/works/25242916) by [ClassicHazel](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ClassicHazel/pseuds/ClassicHazel), [RhaegalKS](https://archiveofourown.org/users/RhaegalKS/pseuds/RhaegalKS)




End file.
